Thus From My Lips, By Yours, My Sin Is Purged
This song by As Cities Burn really encapsulates what I perceive to be the struggle in what I revere and aspire to be in Christ, and the mere maggot I am most of the time. If you like this song, I highly recommend the rest of the album Son, I Loved You At Your Darkest and their newer ventures as well.

Well, I've got a will but I want yours
I've got a growing heap of crosses and burdens
I've simply lost heart to shoulder
Simply no strength to lift
I've always been a man in need
'Cause I keep stepping in and out of the shadow

Caught by the drift and pitch of whatever it is
That keeps me coming back
I want out
'Cause I'm getting sick
Sick from all this swerving
Driver, sick from turning on you

Someone show me a hole in this cycle
Show me the way away and I'm coming back
The way I came
No! I've seen this place before
Surely this is no place for the light of this world

Oh how sweet the sound
I know it saved but is it changing a wretch like me?
Oh my God how sweet is the sound
I once was blind but now I just look away

Stepping in and out of the shadow
Stepping in and out
I just look away
Stepping in and out of the shadow
I just look away

My bride, I don't want to know what I'd be without
forgiveness brushing these adulterous lips

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Bit of a challenge to all the Christians out there - how're we going with the walk? Is your relationship with God strong? Or is it a bit more like the precarious state of the world's financial markets? How's prayer? Do you really thank Him for everything you've got? Are you living a life wholly devoted to Him? And one last thing I find really tough...when people look at you, do they see the love of Jesus?

Definitely something worth mulling over.

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In time, to wonder where the days have gone
In time, to be old enough to wish that you were young
When good things are unraveling, bad things come undone
You weather love and lose your innocence

There will be liars and thieves who take from you
Not to undermine the consequence
But you are not what you do
And when you need it most
I have a hundred reasons why I love you

If you weather love and lose your innocence
Just remember - lesson one
(Do not hide.)

Boys (Lesson One), Jars of Clay

This song's been my mantra as of late. It touches base on many of the things that have occupied my mind these holidays - love in its most infinite and incomprehensible definition, relationships on precipices, that great beloved octopus we call family, the progression of age and its associated knowledge & maturity, the necessity and frivolity of vulnerability, sordid sin and the suffering that grows in its shrouds, the multiplicity of truth and the meaning of surrender. I could rattle about these trains of thought much like a Tangara (i.e. endlessly), but I shall spare you, dear friend, for I have something I wish to explore first.

• fried anything
• chocolate
• confectionary
• chips
• overly oily foods (yes, that includes bacon)
• soft drinks

Beautiful imagery; dashing story. Snow Falling on Cedars by David Guterson, a novel I recently devoured with a voracity I’ve been missing in my reading for a while now, really draws you in first and foremost as a crime story, a tale of injustice and the underdog in the face of lies, prejudice and society.

But it’s also so much more than that. It’s spellbindingly beautiful (again, I really love the description Guterson employs and his imagery, and I gotta admit, the characters really broke my heart a couple of times) and brings all sorts of issues to the table, including war, love, racism/xenophobia (tensions between the Japanese and Americans), justice, truth, duty/honour and identity, tantalising and challenging the mind to stretch and warp in intriguing ways. I even read on Wikipedia that it was part of the HSC course, and if that’s true, I’ll be stoked.

This segment is one that I particularly liked as it resonates with me on all kinds of levels and touches on some thought trains that occupy my mind on sleepless nights. Since I just got home from the nursing home, it’s all the more relevant. Comes from the very last pages of the book.

(For those of you who are interested in the legal logistics, this was at the end of the trial and just before the jury deliberations, being the defence’s closing address and all. Nels Gudmundsson is the defence lawyer, representing Kabuo Miyamoto who’s been charged with murder in the first degree.)

‘I am an old man,’ Nels Gudmundsson continued. ‘I do not walk so well anymore, and one of my eyes is useless. I suffer from headaches and arthritis in my knees. On top of all this I nearly froze to death last night, and today I am weary, having slept not a wink. And so, like you, I hope for warmth tonight and for an end to this storm we are enduring. I would wish for my life to continue pleasantly for many years to come. This final wish, I must admit to myself, is not something I can readily count on, for if I don’t not pass on in the next ten years I will certainly do so in the next twenty. My life is drawing to a close…

I say this because as an older man I am prone to ponder matters in the light of death in a way that you are not. I am like a traveler descended from Mars who looks down in astonishment at what passes here. And what I see is the same human frailty passed from generation to generation. What I see is again and again the same sad human frailty. We hate one another; we are the victim of irrational fears. And there is nothing in the stream of human history to suggest we are going to change this.

But – I digress, I confess that. I merely wish to point out that in the face of such a world you have only yourselves to rely on. You have only the decision you must make, each of you, alone. And will you contribute to the indifferent forces that ceaselessly conspire toward injustice? Or will you stand up against this endless tide and in the face of it be truly human?’

Snow Falling on Cedars, David Guterson

Just think about all that that short excerpt is saying to you. It’s pretty deep for ‘just another crime book’.

If you like the crime genre and enjoy lyrical prose, I absolutely recommend Snow Falling on Cedars to you. But even if you don’t, it’s definitely a stand out for me in the oversaturated realm of crime fiction so if you’re thinking of reading something along those lines, give it a go. I must warn you though, there are some rather sexual scenes within the novel which I just kind of skimmed over, so it’s advisable to have a certain level of maturity before perusing these pages.

But going back to the aforementioned quote, it also really reminded me of this song by Jars of Clay. It’s called Oh my God and it’s a great song, burdened with emotion; brings to mind Lamentations and some of the psalms. Check it out. Muse on the lyrics a while. Mental exertion is good for you. :)

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqeyisb688
Lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jarsofclay/ohmygod.html

P.S. Ishmael and Hatsue would’ve made such a good couple. I mourn the loss of their relationship. D: But I guess life’s life. You’ll understand what I’m talking about if you read the book.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20


I just finished reading Tony Anthony's testimony, Taming the Tiger and I think God's really convicted me through it.

Through Tony's story, He showed me what a 'comfortable Christian' I'd become. Someone who's lost their passion for Jesus and their drive to tell others about Him. I think I've really been working in my own self-righteousness and my own strength, caught up in myself and my world, being a prideful and arrogant person who runs her own life on her own terms. He's been tugging at my heartstrings for a while now about it, especially about faith and the true nature of humility. I was too blind to see it until now. And suddenly, I was reminded of that classic hymn, Amazing Grace... 

Amazing grace, I hummed to myself,
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see. 

I just wanna thank God sooooooo much for all He's done. He's so awesome, loving, graceful and powerful, so worthy of all glory, honour and praise! I am truly nothing without Him. He doesn't need me, but He wants me and loves me and likes me more than anyone could all the same. We are so blessed to have a God like ours. :)

How can we not respond? How can we remain inert and complacent in the scope of His love? How is it that we can become so comfortable in our lives when thousands, nay, millions do not know the saving Word of Christ?

My friends, this is the question I put to you and myself.
How you answer it is entirely up to you.
The ball's in your court now. Don't fumble it.




P.S. I've been really challenged by Skillet's Looking for Angels this afternoon. As I've been musing on the self, suffering, social justice and what exactly it means to put faith into action as of late, this song is both the catalyst and embodiment of those thoughts. 
I strongly encourage you to consider the lyrics I pose below. I hope it puts things into perspective for you, and that you'll be challenged in the same way I was through it. 

Walk this world alone, try to stay on my feet
Sometimes crawl, fall, but I stand up cause I'm afraid to sleep
Open my eyes to a new day, with all new problems, and all new pain
All the faces are filled with so much anger
Losing our dignity and hope from fear of danger
After all the wars, after settling the scores, at the break of dawn, will we be deaf to the answers?

There's so much bigotry, misunderstanding and fear
With eyes squinted and fists clinched we reach out for what is dear
We want it we want
We want a reason to live
We're on a pilgrimage
A crusade for hope
Cause in our hearts and minds and souls we know
We need it, we need
We need more than this

Going through this life looking for angels
People passing by looking for angels
Walking down the streets looking for angels
Everyone I meet looking for angels

So many nations with so many hungry people
So many homeless scrounging around for dirty needles
On the rise, teen suicide, when we will realize
We've been desensitized by the lies of the world
We're oppressed and impressed by the greedy
Whose hands squeeze the life out of the needy
When will we learn that wars, threats, and regrets are the cause and effect of living in fear?

Who can help protect the innocence of our children
Stolen on the internet with images they can't forget
We want it, we want
We want a reason to live
We represent a generation that wants to turn back a nation
To let love be our light and salvation
We need it we need
We need more than this

I became a savior to some kids I'll never meet
Sent a check in the mail to buy them something to eat
What will you do to make a difference, to make a change?
What will you do to help someone along the way?
Just a touch, a smile as you turn the other cheek
Pray for your enemies, humble yourself, love's staring back at me
In the midst of the most painful faces
Angels show up in the strangest of places...
 

There is no one righteous, not even one;
there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.
All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one.
Their throats are open graves;
their tongues practice deceit.
The poison of vipers is on their lips.
Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.
Their feet are swift to shed blood
ruin and misery mark their ways,
and the way of peace they do not know.
~ Romans 3:11-17

Find glory
Beyond the cheap coloured lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory, on another empty life...

Time flies...
Time dies!
Glory
One blaze of glory...

One Song Glory, RENT (Original Broadway Cast)

Greetings!

Just to clear something up, the Red Cross has cancelled their Calling Appeal this year...mainly because people would think the proceeds would only go to the bushfires. So yeah...you can probably disregard that whole last post. :D

Year 11 is a little bit strange.
It's strange in that I feel so much OLDER now. Not so much more mature, because I've always been quite mature for my age, overly-mature even, but definitely older. It's probably due to the revelation that my years as a high school student are drawing to a close and that I'm nearing the age where I'll no longer be a teenager, but a 'young adult'. It's a rather foreign concept to me...don't think I'll grasp it properly for a while.

Anyway, I was doing some soul-searching the other night and I thought, where will everything..all my hopes, dreams, fears, worries, aspirations and ambitions lead me?  Will I be living in a remote community in the outback, trying to keep kids in school or perhaps establishing a health care centre? Will I be decomposing in a mass grave of missionaries somewhere in the world, or lying by the way, a failure, bruised and bloodied, forgotten and alone? Will I be a burnt out husk of a social worker, so embittered and world-weary that I can't function properly? Will I make it in the big wide world? ...will I always love Jesus?
 
And yeah...that last one got to me. I know so many people who have fallen away from the faith...it's really tragic actually. Mr. Stanley would probably frown at that use of 'tragedy', but whatever, I can totally justify it.
Coz you simply can't predict life and expect everything to be the same as it is now. I know I'll change in the future...for the better hopefully...but you never know. Actually, I don't even know if I'll be alive two minutes from now. I could choke on the gum I'm chewing, have a heart attack or be killed by a plane falling out of the sky. It just highlights how short life really is. 
We try to cheat death by obeying OH&S laws, exercising, using ergonomic stuff, eating well, living a good life, not doing stupid things when, in the end, our mortality will always win. A verse from the Word comes to mind...

All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.
Isaiah 40:6

Imagine that. You worry about all these things, push for the best, try to get ahead in life, trample various people to get there...and all for what? That taste of fleeting glory, here one moment, swept away on the updrafts of uncertainty the next?

Wouldn't it be better to put your hopes in something real and eternal? To trust and believe in something of value and of worth, something true and something beautiful?

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever.
Isaiah 40:8

Forever...what a comforting verse! We can put our hopes in the Word of God and we know that it's true and eternal! And since we know that the Bible is God's word, not a rule book of what not to do if you're a Christian, there are a lot of other verses which will hold true for eternity. Especially this one...

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, netiher angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, netiher height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39

I don't know if you appreciate the significance of that verse, but I certainly do. Jesus loves us...not for who we will be or who we were, but who we are right now, however screwed up and imperfect we may be. So perhaps, instead of wondering what novel you should next devour, it'd be a good idea to pick up a copy of the Bible and read a bit. You never know...it might just lead you to where you've always wanted to be.